Feels Like It's Time to Dream Again

My blog is meant to encourage, so when I wanna record down my sad times with the details, I write in my personal hardcopy journal.

However, today, I wanna record something that is meaningless to people who dunno what I'm about to talk about. This will prove to be encouraging when the right time comes.

Why why why why why... -rattles on-

Exam period. This has nothing to do with my studies. It has everything to do with my character and skill.

I'm happy for them when their time came. But I'm sad of why haven't my time come yet. I'm sad of why if they can, I can't. Recalling what someone told me.... God is God...

My heart is stirred. My soul is at unrest. I'm as if about to burst!

Who can help me? O God... O God... I feel like crying... I feel unjust. Am I trying to bargain with You, O Lord? I have been waiting so long... -weeps-

"Multiply it..."

"Wait, my child..."

God, I hide in Your presence... If I can touch you tangibly, I would crawl into your arms and cry... Ain't all this that I am given meant for You and Your kingdom?

Ain't my preparation meant for You? O Lord, You know my deepest depth of heart. All my good and bad are laid bare before You... O God... I almost can't hold on anymore... Has it not been Your promise in me, I would not have held on... O God!! Hear my cry...

-weeps-

When will my time come... Sustain me, O Provider and my Comforter.... I need You... Fill me... I really need You... -tears rolling-

I'm unsatisfied with mediocrisy. I'm trying hard to be patient... I know I am capable, because You had already given me to... But I am not allowed... Do I go and ask again? I dare not... I need Your intervention... I need Your intervention...

Let my heart be pure before You...

-undescribable impatience-

Jesus... O Jesus...