Feels Like It's Time to Dream Again

A beautiful mind.

Meditation is positive worry. If I can worry, I can meditate.

Speak to me O Lord.

I do not ever want to let my mind be at rest from anything. I want to fill my mind always. I want to fill it with every good thing I can find, especially about God. If I find nothing to fill in, I'll just review the good things I had filled before. I must be transformed, cos I cannot transform myself.

I thought I am fast. Wrong, I am slow. I am so slow. But I will not give up. I refuse to give up after coming such a long way with Jesus. I set my entire life as a gamble and experiment, if i must put it this way, to a realationship with Jesus Christ.

I am slow, utterly slow, and I will not deny it. I am slow in knowing God and responding to Him. I am slow in repentance and laying down my pride. I am slow, so as to speak. I do not say this because I compare to anyone. I just feel that I am slow. But I will try my best to expedite and become faster, if I can become faster. Grace does not allow me to be faster than I am made to be at any point of time.

So, I shall keep on learning to enjoy my slowness.

I thought I am smart. I scored 250 for PSLE, L1R5 18 for "O"s, and participated in many activities in secondary school. I have several certs in my portfolio to display when I am in Poly. I got into Dean's list in my freshmen year. I thought I have high IQ. Or so, I thought.

Wrong. No, I am not smart. Now I am clear that at least I am wise enough to know that I am not wise. At least I m strong enough to know that I am not strong. Who am I comparing with to come to such a conclusion? What matters is a person's character.

I have even come to despise achievement and intelligence, and all my achievements. I am wrong to come to this extreme too. But I despise them because they lead me in the rug of the life of this world. Am I living, or getting any nearer to the life in Heaven I am going to live?

I simply want to live for Jesus.

I simply want to live for Jesus.

I simply want to live for Jesus.

If I am slow, so be it, but I will do my best.

If I am slow, then I am slow, but I will do my best.

Speak to me, Jesus, and I will do my best to obey.

I will do my best to obey.

I will learn to obey.

I am trying and giving my best to obey.

I am learning, and still learning, to obey.

I am giving my best shot to listen to Your voice.

My ears... I am training not just for perfect pitch, but Your frequency.

I AM GIVING MY BEST.

Yes. You know.

Speak to me O Lord

And I will listen

I will hear Your voice

Your still small voice

In this noisy world

I will seek Your face

Speak to me O Lord

And I will obey You

I will not give up