Feels Like It's Time to Dream Again

Yesterday, Pastor Prakid preached... Dunno if I spelled his name correctly.

I'm trying very hard to pick up.
About something Pastor said: Believe in God and not teh situation.
Yes.

I hope to be able to plant churches in future.

I hope to be able to play music for Jesus.

I hope to be a teacher... teach about music and about God's Word.

Yes. I have laid down my desires. If I can do these...

Now I know I am utterly nothing. So I have nothing to lose. Still, I have weaknesses and limitations. To hell with them! (Whoosh! First time I use this phrase! No kidding!) Step by step...

God is dealing with me and molding my character. I don't wanna miss out His best... (I know I've failed so many times, but who cares? I'm still gonna try to pass.)

Now I know it's all about lives. Tags and labels... skills and bonuses... ranks and powers... All these all good, and can be used for Him. But they are rubbish when compared to Him.

Now, I may not feel the same way even if anyone asks me to play music for Jesus... I juts don't feel the same... But, then again, nobody has ever asked me to play... In the past, I might become very very excited... Now, I dare not be too proud... Then again, I was never asked... Chance is given, not earned.

I cannot imagine me playing on stage no more. It never happened.

I cannot imagine me with friends, not the ones whom I enojoy superb presence. Lost.

I cannot imagine me laughing unreservedly. Unlike before.

My beautiful eyes have become myopic, painful and hurtful. When I look inside, I see dull reflections of light. I thought I only see these in dying hopeless people in TV.

I'm 19.
I'm 162cm.
I'm 45kg.
I'm a single child.
I'm chinese.
I'm male.


Who cares. I am a child of God. Learning.