Feels Like It's Time to Dream Again

Played a lil' guit... Swam awhile...

Visited East RC. Got to see Cheng and her DMM... Got to know her sheep by the name Tryphoza... What a name... Oops! Got to see Justina and Pearly studying there too! Oh my! They know my name and said "bye" to me when they left RC... lols. Great time spending with Apinun. He's such a humble brother.

Afterwhich, went down to Nexus to see TWAM jam. "Open Up The Gates" and "One Desire". Hmm... Nice la... Davin's such a good musio... can arrange and deal with the super detailed thingy... Even I also didn't know this and that. Ha!

Saw Nel there too. Then she called me over.

"Availability.. 2 years later..."
'Then why before I enlist, I couldn't?'
"I think NS has made you able to work in a team better..."

Somehow, I felt like a bit being fu1 yan3... God knows what I am talking about... I prayed for the Holy Spirit to control my emotions and to help me... So He did... I am made super sad. In my heart, I almost cried out LOUD.

I felt like I was being pinned down. When I was free, I wasn't allowed to play. When I am in NS, Nel implied that I can play but because of my availability, I must wait for ORD. Then, why can Joel, Seng... etc play when they are in NS too? I felt brushed off... God, help me. Help me. Sustain me. I need Your power, Holy Spirit, to overcome my doubts and emotions!

Jesus...

Where am I suppsoed to be now? Tertiary NS group is yet to be formed. NUS group? Youth NS group? TWAM is not taking me in. TP is a land of past for me. Whom can I confide and trust in completely except God and God alone?!

My time is getting shorter and shorter.. I am afraid and urgent. I am sad and desolated. I am lifted by my friends, those who love me. Suddenly, God sent signs through people to tell me that I am influencing positively somehow... God is using me. Still, this grievence and blue haunt my soul. Jesus, can you open the door for me? I think the devil is knocking. Sheesh!

I am living for God's cause!