Feels Like It's Time to Dream Again

Good morning. Evening going back to Tekong. Tomorrow's 16k road march... POP in 3 weeks' time. God, keep me well and sound. Thank You for keep me safe from danger.

God seems to be using me in ways I have never expected somehow... Had a lil' chat with Jane Joy regarding "how to love" and thus my "Cephas' Theory of laugh to love"... Also had a lil' chat with YuQian... Our lil' private conversation... O manz.. Sometimes, I suspect that God gave me the gift of discernment, just that I don't dare to use it... or rather, I don't know how to use it properly... Gift of mercy: feel what others feel... Gift of discernment: sense the true heart of others...

Probably, I'll go NUS' business admin... NUS is more vibrant in CCA too... God, my Leader, will I get to play music in NUS?

Had a lil' talk with Pam last night in msn... No one is useless.. No one's life is screwed up... God, I saw yet another new guitarist on stage in yesterday's service. I felt a lil' prick and a lil' grieved in my heart. Is it of my own selfish desire that You hold me back from playing for You? Now I don't know if I am made to be a musician... Is it a joke that You touched me with that dream and vision, yet do not let me get any close? Is it for the title of WAM that I want to play? Is it for the limelight that I am aiming? Only God knows my deepest depth of heart.

But I know, all I want is to live for Jesus... To spread the good news of salvation... To live a lifestyle that is blameless and honorable to His Name... Only I do not know how... Step by step, I make my move... All I want... can I play music for Jesus in the church?

What are You making me to be, my Leader?

God... God... Haiz...

I surrender everything to You. Please guide me and sustain me. If it is not in Your plan for me to play music for You, please... please... take away this feeling inside me... this feeling that is so so much to want to play music... I am so dull, won't You enlighten me?

Why am I learning guitar on my own... I must be a fool. God, I want to play for You!

Sheesh... Cephas' childishness... Hahaha!

Lord, I am thinking of several people in my mind now... Please help them... I know only You can... Everyone has his/her own struggles... Help them, only You can, to overcome.. O how I yearn to see them relive the passion once again... How I wish to see them smile like when they just knew You for the first time! Lord, I want to live life to the full, just like how I knew You for the first time! Hope Church repents and is heading Your way... We are heading Your way, my King and Direction!

I love you.
=)